Hobbits at Hogwarts
by Telpegrothwen
Summary: The hobbits attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Oh NO! (a fic i wrote becuse of certain similarities between Tolkien and Rowling)
1. Concerning Boggle

A/N this is only my second fic. those of you who read The Tossing Seas will note that this is completely different. I wrote this because of so many * cough * similarities between Harry Potter and LOTR. enjoy  
  
A/N also, this takes place after the War of the Ring, I have chosen to ignore certain facts about the whereabouts of the hobbits at this point. namely Frodo. this is simply because if Frodo was in the West at the time, I wouldn't have much of a story!  
  
The sky was blue and nearly cloudless but for the wispy remnants of fluff on the horizon. A warm breeze wafted over the hilly landscape of Hobbiton and bent the blades of grass ever so gently until their tips all pointed westward. The young hobbits of the town played in the green fields, oblivious to the world around them.  
  
Meanwhile, the four most famous hobbits of the Shire were congregated in the living room of Bag End playing Boggle, a game taught to them by Gandalf, which Pippin in turn had taught the rest of the Shire. It had become a favorite pastime among hobbits of all ages, but especially to one Samwise Gamgee.  
  
"I've got: cram, food, ale, pint and lunch," said Pippin proudly.  
  
"Well, I've got: food, lunch, ram, nip, and tar," said Merry.  
  
"I have you all beaten!" Frodo shouted. "I have: cram, food, ale, pint, lunch, ram, nip, tar and rat!"  
  
The three hobbits looked at Sam who was sitting quietly at his corner of the table.  
  
"I have: rat, tar and butter," said Sam.  
  
The other three hobbits groaned.  
  
"There is no way you got butter," said Merry in disgust.  
  
"Yeah! You get that one every time!" Pippin chimed in.  
  
"Show us where it is!" Frodo demanded.  
  
Sam calmly pointed to each letter: B-U-T-T-E-R.  
  
"How does he do it?" Merry was quite perplexed.  
  
"I'm never playing with you again!" Pippin vowed.  
  
Just as Frodo began shaking the letters, a knock sounded from the door.  
  
"Sam, will you get that?" Frodo asked.  
  
Sam nodded and rose to answer the door. Just as he approached the door, it swung open revealing none other than the wizard Gandalf.  
  
"Why, Gandalf!" Sam said in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you were-"  
  
"Silence!" the wizard boomed. "There are more important matters to attend to! Where are the others?"  
  
"Playing Boggle," Sam said.  
  
"Oh, that dratted game!" Gandalf grumbled. "I never should have given it to you!"  
  
Sam and Gandalf proceeded to the living room where the other three had already begun their game.  
  
"Mr. Frodo," Sam said nervously, "You have a visitor."  
  
"Tell them to go away," Frodo said angrily without looking back. "You know that I am not to be bothered when playing Boggle!"  
  
"This one seems important," said Sam. "I think you ought to speak with him."  
  
"Not now Sam!" Frodo turned in annoyance to Sam. "Tell them I'll- Gandalf!"  
  
"Gandalf?" Merry in Pippin said in unison.  
  
"Yes, it is I, Gandalf," said the wizard, "Here with important news concerning you hobbits."  
  
"Important news?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Yes, is there an echo in here? That's what I said," the wizard said in a frustrated tone. "I need you to do me a huge favor."  
  
"Oh, no!" said Frodo. "I'm not falling for that one again! Last time I did you a favor I ended up losing my finger, oh, yeah, and not to mention that we almost DIED!"  
  
"Well," Gandalf said uneasily, "this isn't like that at all!"  
  
"My question is," said Merry, "do we have a choice?"  
  
"What a good question, Meriadoc," replied Gandalf. "As it so happens, you do not have a choice!"  
  
"Crap," said Frodo under his breath.  
  
"This doesn't involve any mind-altering objects, does it?" Sam inquired, looking sympathetically at Frodo.  
  
"Indirectly," Gandalf explained. "There are certain complications involved with the use of a time-space continuum that could alter one's thought process, but I'll explain that to you later."  
  
The hobbits gazed at him with confused expressions.  
  
"Um. yeah." Pippin said finally. "What exactly are you going to be doing?"  
  
"You four are going away to a special school," said Gandalf.  
  
"Oh, no!" Sam blurted. "My Gaffer always said this would happen!"  
  
"No, no!" Gandalf said. "Not one of those schools! This is a school of witchcraft and wizardry."  
  
"Witchcraft and wizardry?" Pippin said in awe.  
  
"There's that echo again," Gandalf shook his head. "Yes, witchcraft and wizardry."  
  
"But, why, Gandalf?" asked Sam.  
  
"Well, you see," explained the wizard, "My cousin Albus called me the other day and he needs some help. He runs the school, and the school board is pressuring him to diversify his student body. Of course, Albus, being incredibly prejudiced against Americans (the only people on earth not present at the school), called me to bring some of the folks from Middle Earth over."  
  
"Americans?" questioned Pippin.  
  
"Earth?" said Merry.  
  
"I'll explain all of that on the way," said Gandalf. "Now, you must pack your things, we leave today."  
  
The hobbits just sat and stared, their eyes fixed on the tall wizard.  
  
"Run along," prompted Gandalf. "We haven't got all day!"  
  
The hobbits dispersed to pack their bags. 


	2. Trouble at the Platform

Later that day, the hobbits hopped in Gandalf's wagon and set off for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Along the way, Gandalf explained various causes of uncertainty.  
  
First of all, they were to be traveling by way of a time-space continuum. That would enable them to reach worlds beyond their own, for example, Earth. The only problem with the time-space continuum was that each time you open one you alter small things on both sides of it. (The side you come from and the side you exit.)  
  
Secondly, Earth was a parallel universe to Middle Earth (according to Gandalf's theory that time and space are consecutive series of dimensions each identical to the next, though taking place one micrometer from eachother or one nanosecond from eachother, thus producing an infinite number of "dimensions" making it easy to travel through time and space; see above explanation of time-space continuum).  
  
Once successfully through the continuum, the hobbits gazed in awe at their surroundings. Somehow, they seemed so familiar to a place back home. Could it have been the Barrow Downs? Nobody is really sure, but the hobbits felt the similarity just the same.  
  
"This is a place called Stonehenge," said Gandalf. "This is where the portal to Middle Earth opens."  
  
The hobbits followed Gandalf onto a tall, red contraption on wheels. It seemed to have been some sort of carriage but no horses were present. Sam seemed uneasy.  
  
"Fear not, Samwise," Gandalf reassured him. "This is called a bus. We shall take it to the train station."  
  
"Train station?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Oh, never mind," said Gandalf.  
  
A/N For the sake of the reader, I am going to skip some of the events that follow and go right to platform 9¾.  
  
"Jump through the wall," Gandalf instructed.  
  
"No," said Pippin shivering.  
  
"You have to!" Gandalf yelled. "It's the only way!"  
  
"You go first then," Pippin ordered.  
  
"I can't," said the wizard. "I must leave you to your own at this point."  
  
"WHAT!" Frodo shouted. "How are we supposed to find our way to this so called 'school' when we've never even been in this world before!"  
  
"You found your way through Mordor, didn't you?" Gandalf said.  
  
"Yes, but- I"  
  
"This is twenty times easier than that!"  
  
The hobbits groaned.  
  
"Now, jump through the wall."  
  
"Hey, you!" a tall red-haired boy shouted. "Could you move along? Some of us actually want to catch the train!"  
  
"Why don't you go ahead of us," Gandalf offered.  
  
At this, an entire family of red-haired people lined up and jumped through the wall.  
  
"Just follow them," Gandalf said quickly.  
  
The hobbits turned to reply, but the wizard was gone.  
  
"Is it your first time, boys?" asked the last remaining redhead. She was a middle aged human with kindly eyes.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," said Sam politely. "We aren't accustomed to this wall jumping business, if you take my meaning."  
  
"Just jump through," the woman said. "It's quite easy."  
  
"That's not what we're afraid of, miss," said Pippin. "We're afraid of what's on the other side of the wall!"  
  
"Nonsense!" laughed the woman. "When you get across, just find my boys and follow them around. They'll help you!"  
  
Reluctantly, Frodo took a running start and ran at the wall. When he landed, he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in another place similar to the previous one. Soon, he was joined by the other three hobbits and their trunks. (Gandalf had previously taken them to Diagon Alley for supplies.)  
  
A/N There was a lot more to this chapter, but I have decided to crop it down for easier reading. if you are a Harry Potter fan and find certain omissions in the story, it is not because I haven't read the books and don't know what I'm talking about, because I have read the books, but it is because the thing was too darn long! Thank you, please don't send letters! 


	3. The Sorting Hat

"Wow," said Pippin, looking at the enchanted ceiling. "I can see right through to the stars!"  
  
"I'm sure this is a pleasant room to be in during a rainstorm," Sam grumbled.  
  
"For some reason," said Merry uneasily, "I feel out of place."  
  
"I don't know, Merry," Pippin replied, "Could it be that we are the only people without shoes on, or maybe it's something more obvious than that. If you haven't noticed, there are no other hobbits here but us!"  
  
"I don't know about this," Sam shook his head. "It just doesn't seem right. What business have we in a magical school?"  
  
"Well," said Frodo optimistically, "look at it as an opportunity to learn something new."  
  
"My gaffer always said," Sam stated matter-of-factly, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks, especially you Samwise."  
  
The others groaned.  
  
"Do us a favor, Sam," said Merry, "forget what your gaffer said for once!"  
  
"Will all first years please come forward for the sorting ceremony," said a wizard that much resembled Gandalf.  
  
At that, a large mass of first year students congregated in the front of the hall followed closely by the four hobbits. In alphabetical order, each student was called to the front one by one. Frodo was the first of the hobbits to be called. He sat on a stool and a hat was placed on his head. It was not quite a pretty hat, you see, for this was the Sorting Hat, a grumbling, ratty, mangy wizard's hat that was much too large for Frodo's hobbit-sized cranium.  
  
Suddenly, Frodo jumped. The hat began to speak in Frodo's mind. This being nearly the same experience as some of his 'conversations' with the Lady Galadriel, Frodo regained his composure quickly.  
  
"Griffindor!" shouted the hat.  
  
"If you don't mind me asking," said Frodo politely, "what is a 'griffindor'?"  
  
The older wizards sitting at a table behind him chuckled. A woman with dark hair twisted in a bun, glasses on the end of her nose and green robes came to Frodo's side.  
  
"That is the house you are to be placed in," she said. "Go sit at that table over there."  
  
Frodo thanked the woman and took his seat.  
  
Merry soon followed Frodo to the Griffindor table, as did Sam. Pippin, on the other hand, was giving the hat quite a hard decision.  
  
"But I have to put you in Hufflepuff," explained the hat, "it is your destiny!"  
  
"I don't care," said Pippin stubbornly, "I can change my destiny to whatever I want, and I want to go to Griffith-door-mabob."  
  
"You mean 'Griffindor'?" asked the talking hat.  
  
"That's what I said." "Fine, I give up," said the hat. "Griffindor!"  
  
With a smile on his face, Pippin sat down next to Merry at the Griffindor table.  
  
"What was that all about, Pip?" asked Merry.  
  
"He was about to put me in the asthma house!" said Pippin.  
  
The boy sitting next to the hobbit shook his head. He had messy black hair, round glasses and had been listening to the whole conversation.  
  
"It's not the 'asthma house'," said the boy in an annoyed tone, "it's Hufflepuff."  
  
"Whatever," said Pippin.  
  
"Now there's a nasty scar," Merry whispered in Frodo's ear.  
  
"We ought to recommend him to Elrond," said Frodo. "He's a genius with fixing scars!"  
  
"How'd you get that scar there," asked Pippin.  
  
"I got it from the dark Lord," said the boy (who you all have determined to be Harry Potter, I hope), "When I was just a baby."  
  
"Sauron's been here?" Frodo asked nervously. "But I thought he was gone! I destroyed his stupid ring!"  
  
"Who?" asked Harry. "No, this guy's name is Voldemort. But not many say it aloud."  
  
"Why?" asked Pippin. "I bet Sauron was twenty times scarier than this lad and everyone said his name! In fact, we had a little song about him!"  
  
"No," shouted Merry, "Not the song!"  
  
"(To the tune of 'Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer) You know Elrond and Gandalf and Thrandu'l and Beren; Haldir and Strider and Bilbo and Durin, but do you recall the most famous tough guy of all?"  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!" the hobbits rushed to shut his mouth.  
  
"Sauron the scary Dark Lord, had a very shiny ring--"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!"  
  
"Fine," said Pippin in a dignified manner, "I can take a hint!"  
  
"My name's Harry," laughed the boy. "But you probably already know that."  
  
"Why would we already know that?" asked Merry.  
  
"Well," Harry was puzzled, "Everybody seems to know me."  
  
"Oh," the hobbits all exchanged glances.  
  
"This is Ron," said Harry pointing to his red-haired friend. "And this is Hermione."  
  
"Yeah," said Pippin, "We met Ron at the train station." "Really?" asked Harry, giving a sharp glance at Ron. "Why didn't you tell me about them before?"  
  
"I did, Harry," said Ron. "You just weren't paying attention. You know, sometimes I feel like you only keep me around just so you can have a lovable sidekick."  
  
"You know that's not true!" Harry said with a suspicious look in his eye. "You're my friend!"  
  
"Ok," Ron cheered up.  
  
Suddenly, vast amounts of food appeared on the table before them.  
  
"I'm beginning to like this place!" said Pippin with a wide grin.  
  
Soon, all conversation ceased between the hobbits, as their mouths were too full of the food in front of them. 


End file.
